How many times in my life have you felt the suffering of every day? Whether it is is a life crisis or an inconvenient circumstance, have you asked yourself “why do i have to suffer?” I have often wondered about if I could be strong enough to diminish all my suffering.
In my experience, strength is the extraordinary ability to withstand any force, pressure, or situation in life that either stretches one’s existing capabilities or beyond the norm set by the collective.
I have repeatedly asked for strength whenever a situation demands more of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually etc. At least more than I had expected to spend. The challenge then pushes me to stretch myself to resolve that situation.
I remember when I practiced running for the first time in my adult life in the hope of losing weight. That was a physical challenge that pushed my limits. Another example is of a mental challenge was when I wrestled with my Chartered Accountant qualification (considered one of the hardest exams to crack in India) for about five years.
And then, when I chose to start my family, I was stretched physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially and financially all at once. It required everything of me to raise my two children and striving for my career.
Of course, I am quite glad I made those choices and always feel the gratitude for the abundance I enjoyed. Yet, that didn’t stop me feeling overwhelmed and exhausted most of the time. For all the abundance I enjoyed, do I have to suffer so much?
A glimpse of insight:
Interestingly, when I reflected on the situations I faced, I found that I chose most challenges in my life. Sometimes, the problems I had chosen got the better of me, and other times, I underestimated the resources it demanded.
Then again, there were some challenges that I did not choose, instead, it chose me. I remember, for instance, months of medical trauma I underwent that came right when I least expected, and it caught me off guard.
As I ran, jogged, walked, or crawled from one challenge to another, I kept asking myself if problems were the way to gain strength, then there should be a better way to do this.
And then, after dozens of books, hundreds of YouTube videos and documentaries, and years of similar experiences, I realised what I was feeling was rarely uncommon.
I had an insight that I did not have much problem with the challenge itself. My real issue here I saw was my suffering attached to these challenges.
In my professional life, I noticed the charismatic leaders around me. They were so willingly attracting and dealing with challenges voluntarily. I noticed they had a unique ability to reduce the suffering of their problems much better than the vast majority of people. At least that is how it seemed to me at that time!
It seemed to me that everyone had their dose of suffering they attach to the challenges from different walks of life. The appetite for problems, in my opinion, vastly depended on the individual’s capabilities, personality and preferences.
I wondered, what if I could have the strength to strive without the suffering?
Here is a seed of thought that I began to nurture:
I ask for Strength
To strive without suffering
For more seeding thoughts like this click here
Three practical ways I strive without suffering:
- I fully own my decision to choose the challenge when I sign up for it voluntarily. I also own the fine print on the terms that I missed to notice when I made a choice. Take ownership helps me to be accountable for my decisions and gracefully accept all the consequences of that decision.
- Taking a few steps back and looking at the bigger picture of my life when I am right in the middle of the ‘challenge tunnel’ with no sight of light. In my experience, I get an objective overview of my life only when I introspect with self-awareness and brutal honesty.
- I categorise the challenges to train my rational mind and let it be open to change my perception of the problem. Here are my basic categories:
- Challenges that will have a productive outcome when it concludes itself. Eg, a demanding project I take on at work that eventually strengthens my skillset and leading me to a possible promotion that I desire
- Challenges that stretch me beyond my wildest imagination giving me more possibilities of life even if I am not aware of a clear outcome. Often in my experience, I only see the options in hindsight. Example, a new relationship, a new job, moving to a new country etc. I make these choices with clear intentions to enrich and enhance my daily life. Many times though, my story took unpredictable twists and turns, leaving me struggling with the question: “Where did I go wrong?”
- Challenges that do not have a productive outcome and pushes me into a downward spiral of negative emotions. For example, heartbreaks, medical crisis, or passing on of a loved one. Facing this kind of challenge taught me to accept the situation for what it was and focus on responding to the situation gracefully one week/day/hour at a time.
Let’s Reflect:
Now in the light of this topic, are you willing to explore these questions? It would be best if you could write them down. Reflect on these questions and see if you surprise yourself.
1) What are you striving for in life?
2) When and where in your life have you asked for more strength?
3) Which kind of challenges could you manage without suffering?
4) Which problems make you suffer the most? Why?
